Friday, 12 June 2009

And then reality hits...

Waited AGES to get my exam results back. Now I wish they'd drawn it out even more. :(

The one exam I thought went OK this semester - I got an ubercrap mark. I'm not a crier but I've been bawling. The exam I thought would go badly, did go badly. And now the one I wasn't sure about - what the heck it was probably a bleeding fail.

All of which would be bad enough... but these results count. They make up my degree classification. And it would seem that my DOS last year was right - I'm a Very Average Student. Masters plans and hopes of a First were clearly pie-in-the-sky and I've been brought back to Earth with a rather large and ego bruising bump.

This does create a few problems....

Friday, 6 February 2009

Miracles Do Happen

In miraculous news, it doth turn out that I did not fail my first set of exams! Indeed, I managed a 65, 68 and in truly and utterly miraculous news - a 79 in Jew in the Text! This means I must have got above an 80 in my exam, and also that I was top of a class of over 30! I am in shock!

So my first semester comes out as a 70.66666666666666666 etc - an average of a First! Here's hoping I keep it up!

Monday, 26 January 2009

All the small things

""Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them." Matt 15:16

"The woman came and knelt before him. "Lord help me!" she said." Matt 15:25

""How many loaves do you have?" Jesus asked.
"Seven," they replied, " and a few small fish." Matt 15:34

Have you ever wondered about the tiny, seemingly inconsequential verses in the Bible? The ones that cower in the shadow of the John 3:16's? I haven't. Until today. This year I have been trying a new tack; having previously read the Bible in a year, I'm going to read a chapter a day (roughly - obviously I'm a bit off!) in my new Study Bible, looking at the notes and writing down the verses that jump out at me.

I was zooming along this evening when I came across the extraordinary verse - Are you still so dull? Only 8 words in the entire verse; obviously this doesn't compare with "Jesus wept" for shortest verse but it has the same amount of impact.

"Jesus wept" is the ultimate exercise in concise writing - it covers so much. Jesus' humanity in the face of his divinity, his love for one human, symbolic of all others, his ability to mourn, to grieve, to do all of that which we would not if we had the chance to blot it out of our lives. He knew he had the power to heal Lazarus, and yet still he wept.

In the same way Matt 15:16, although masquerading as an insignificant wee verse, tells us so much. Obviously Jesus isn't using 'dull' in the sense of boring (although he would certainly have had the right to!) but 'dull' in the sense of being slow to realise the truth. STILL so dull. By this point in Matthew he has fed the 5000, given the Pharisees a serve, healed many... and yet still the disciples didn't get it.

Oh the truth of it....

I would continue but I need to get up in the morning. Perhaps I will have more to add tomorrow.

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Memorial

New College held a memorial for Cody today and it was just beautiful. To be honest I just about burst into tears when I realised they were playing a slide show with Jeff Buckley's version of Hallelujah on loop as I had been listening to it when my friend phoned me to tell me the news. The eulogy given by Dr Heschel was lovely and very fitting even if she had lost the sparkle she always had in her eyes... There was some beautiful poetry and the most moving display I've ever seen. One of the other Dartmouth students - Tica sang (and played the guitar) on a few songs and even thinking about it makes me well up... It was a fitting tribute to a lovely man, one who I will never forget.

I fear no foe, with thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
"Oh death where is your victory, Oh death where is your sting?"
Death will have no victory if thou abide with me.

RIP Cody

Monday, 15 December 2008

It was only a few weeks ago I posted about an acquaintance of mine who had died - Duncan. Sadly, I am going to post about another untimely death.

Cody Lavender, an exchange student on my course died tragically and unexectedly on Sunday morning. Visiting from Dartmouth, I didn't know him very well, but we always had a laugh. We had cheeky chat about our lecturers and a few goes at putting the world to rights. He had a huge smile and a huge heart. I know that the sadness I am feeling is in no way akin to that of his friends and family back home in America - such a sadness is one which I cannot know - to them my heart goes out.

Three cheers for Cody, I'm sure he's having a great time.

RIP

Monday, 10 November 2008

5 Things

So Laura has asked me what 5 things I'd like to do. It's surprisingly hard! This may take a wee while...

1. I'd really like to travel. I've never actually had a proper holiday, even in Britain and it's something I think I'm missing out on. My ultimate destination would be Italy - it's been the only place I've ever had a truly burning desire to visit. I also want to go to London (I'm thinking about Easter for that one, even if I go on my own - but I WILL do it in 2009!). Having seen Stephen Fry in America I'd love to see certain places there. San Francisco looks awesome, NYC is a bit of a 'must-see' and I've been told about a few others that sound excellent. Hostelling around Scotland also sounds pretty awesome!

2. I want to get involved with a youth programme. It is something our corps just does not have and I think that a youth group-esque thing is what this area needs. We have an interesting mix of students and locals and it would be ace to get them together and talking about God, their lives, everything. I know this is a vision Chris shares so maybe we should put our heads together and see what we come up with.

3. Give my mum a hug and tell her I love her. Something so many people take for granted, and something I know I should do but just never do. We've never been a huggy family but seeing gran go shows me that this is something I really need to sort out. Same for friends. Man I suck at the telling people how I feel thing!

4. Learn something new - Gaelic, dancing, aerobics, anything! The brain needs to expand (and the body needs to contract!) I'm thinking this would be particularly good for my probationary teaching year. Chances are I'll end up somewhere where I know no-one and to join a group and meet people would be great.

5. Related to the last one but I'll give it a number of it's own - learn an instrument. I am musically inept but I'd love to play the cello or the piano. It would be tres fantastic.

Life is short. We should live it. It would be interesting to see if anyone fulfils their list, and how quickly they manage it.

Monday, 3 November 2008

Life - 4th October

It's been a funny old week. The sort of week that you get to the other side and think, what the heck happened?

I started work. I am LOVING being back with the kids - I didn't realise how much I missed working with children till I started playing tig with them. The staff... well that's an issue I may elaborate on at a later point. It is very tiring (especially running around playing tig!) and the travelling is something I could do without, but the kids are ace and I get paid to play, so I have nothing to complain about. Even better - I got a phonecall this morning telling me not to go in. I was a bit worried that I had been sacked after 3 days but it turns out there was a powercut so I got an unexpected day off, which was helpful!

As for uni - I've done this weeks tutorial reading, and started my Judaism essay (Does liberal ideology, in fact, promote religious tolerance and the equality of religions? What price must be paid for tolerance and equality?) so uni is getting there. A bit concerned that essays/my Islam presentation/exams are creeping up on me but I'm sure I'll fit it in. Somehow.

I went to Glasgow and saw the sights, and even better, Laura! It was fantastic to see her again, and have a wander around the Cathedral, Religious Artefact Museum and Gallery of Modern Art. How awfully cultured; such a spiffing day. Great to see her, can't wait until Christmas when we all have to attempt to be in one place at one time! In the evening (after a trip to Pizza/Pasta Hut we joined Chris and Other Laura to go to ((deep)). To be honest, I'm still not entirely sure what I thougth of it. Garry's words were powerful. I won't say I agreed with them all and I won't say I agreed with quite a lot of the delivery, but it was a bit like the slap in the face you need to wake you up in the event of a fire. Be a William or Catherine Booth... Made all the more interesting by Sunday's Corps Anniversary service, who also took the Booth family as an example for entering the world and changing it. I just can't work out where I stand on this. It's a statement that evokes a revolutionary spirit; thinking outside the box to fulfil a need. All very admirable, and something I think we need today. The Salvation Army is respected for it's response to human need and it's approach to God. As the (in my opinion fabulous) motto goes Heart to God, Hand to Man. However, (and I feel terrible for following that with a however - what heartless person does that?!) I also think that the Salvation is as much about the random churchgoer as it is about the revolutionaries. William Booth would have been a nice man who did his best to help and was forgotten about pretty soon after death if it weren't for all the nameless people who have carried on his work. They may not have started up soup kitchens, they may not be ministering to the prostitutes, but they've given their financial support, their time, their effort in the little thing and most importantly their prayerful support. These people are the backbone of the Army. The ones who help with the harvest display, who set out the chairs on a Sunday, who cook for fellowship meals, who give their money and prayers to those on frontline work. Without them the Salvation Army wouldn't exist. If we are called to be a Booth then it would be terrible to turn our back on it. But if we are called to use our talents in different ways, then wouldn't it be just as bad to ignore that?

I also thought that Garry was (through intention or not) asking for a public 'hallelujah' reaction to himself. He wanted someone to stand up and say they would be a Booth. Perhaps missing the point that it is not reaction to a person, but a response to God that is required. It may not be a hallelujah externally, perhaps even internally one is in turmoil because they have come to a realisation. No matter what, it is God who needs to be told first.

Garry did make me think though. He made me think about the guys who hang around the back of the flat. Who smoke and drink and sing at 3am. Who stab and punch and kick. Who may be going to hell because all I do in regards to them is mutter under my breath, pull my covers up and roll over. I think it is important for Edinburgh City to reach out to the youth - to those in the Army and not. I don't know if I feel called to have a part in this yet, or if I am having a bit of a Jonah moment, but something needs to be done, and I feel it needs to happen among the young.

After such brain aching I raced back to the station to experience a bit of a first - I missed a train. Anyone who knows me knows my almost phobia of lateness. So imagine my horror as the train pulled away. Anyway, I managed to grab the next train back and it was the weirdest train journey I've ever experienced. First a couple (or at least amorous pair - I'm pretty sure they had only met each other that evening) plonked themselves opposite and canoodled all the way to Croy, causing my concentration on my reading on Islamic Art to intensify. All was well after they departed us at Croy, until the guys across the aisle decided a bit of drunken Frank Sinatra was in order. Until a disruption appeared in the shape of not one, but two massive brawls on the train, which were broken up by various people dragging them apart. It shouldn't have been, but it was just hilarious!

Anyway, the evening was not yet over. Upon my arrival at the flat, my flatmate told me about a friend of hers (and passing acquaintance of mine) who had passed away. Duncan was 20 years old, and the other half of one of the very first conversations I had in Fresher's Week. I have a very vivid recollection of his argument that it took him longer to get to Edinburgh from Shetland than it did people from China! His sudden death brought home an awareness of my mortality that I hadn't really experienced until that point. He was a fit young man who died at 20. Twenty. His family and friends (of which my flatmate is one) must be devastated. How do you ever come to terms with the death of your twenty year old son? I think it's a case of never. You may train yourself not to cry the fact he had been so cruelly taken from you, but you'll never understand it, you may cope, but you'll never forget. Twenty. We may be young, but we are not invincible. He does give and take away, even when we don't understand why. Rest in peace Duncan.